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asked on 12/25/2009 8:21:41 PM Report this post
So my DH and I have been trying to concieve for about a year now. At first we would just try to time it right but of course it wasn't working and that's when I found this wonderful website and all you wonderful ladies.

Well only a very FEW people no that we are trying to concieve. We didn't tell very many people at first because we weren't married yet and DH has had a hard time finding work. We finally tied the knot on 9-9-09. I do pretty good supporting the two of us and know that we will be okay if we had a baby. DH and I decided that joining the Navy would be the best thing for us right now due to the fact that there are no jobs where we live and it will provide opportunities that we otherwise would not be able to have. He is enlisting in Feb.

With it being Christmas and all we decided that we would feel his side of the family in on our little secret and let our other friends know as well. So when it came time to tell I looked at my DH and I was like okay lets tell them and DH bother was like your pregant. So the brother in law was like your expecting and we were like NO and we has like good thing because I was telling mom that you guys were only coming up for Christmas to tell her that you are pregant and she was FREAKING OUT.

Now I have to fill you in on out wedding. My DH proposed to me on 8-29-09 and we were married a week and half later we were married. We got married so quick because we wanted to get married on 9-9-09 because we like the date LOL. Since we got married so quickly of course EVERYONE that I was expecting. Not the case.

At that moment I decided not to tell her and just blurtted out that we were going to get a dog and just made a funny joke out of it. I was crushed. I want to tell the world that we are trying and get support from his family but I just don't think that is going to happen and it makes me sad.

No here is the catch kinda. I am 28 soon to be 29 and my DH just turned 19 in Oct. Yeah I know he is young however if you were to meet us in person you wouldn't think he was any younger than 25. Hey don't look or act like it for that matter. He is very mature for his age and people are blown away when they find out how old he is due to the fact that he is so mature.

I Just wanted to let this off my chest. It has been bothering me all day and I just wish that she would be happy for us and the decisions that we make. It makes me not want to tell her that I am pregant when I get my BFP. I figure she can find out when I look the part or when I have the baby.

I just wish she would understand that it is not just me calling the shots in my marriage. That DH purposed to me and and told me that he wanted to try for a family. She is very two faced and I do hear the things that she says when we are not there. If it were my choice I would not have anything to do with her. However, she is DH mother and he does love her no matter how she acts. He has stood up for me before and still does. It just cause way to much drama so we normally let it go in one ear and out the other.

I just needed to get this off my chest and thank all of you ladies for listening. I do appoligize for this post being so long. I try my hardest to make it short as possible but understable. You guys are the best support system that I have found and I think GOD for that every day. I wouldn't know what to do if I hadn't found this website. Thanks to the creators of Fertility Gal.

Loads and Loads of Baby Dust to all!!!

Moriah0226 said on 12/25/2009 8:25:47 PM Report this post
This is my post. I took so long I didn't realize that I got logged out. Thanks Moriah!

Starr2982 said on 12/25/2009 9:03:43 PM Report this post
Firstbof all I'd like to say merry Christmas; sorry you are going through stuff through the holidays.

No one knows your life the way you do. If they are not supportive, then you'll just have to accept it. I know you want their support but if they are too busy judging you then maybe they aren't mature enough to accept your relationship. I hope they come around, but be thankful I guess that you have a loving husband, cause love is all you need :) I hope all goes well, and if I wasn't on my stupid iPod I could write more. Love and best wishes, Jenn

beantrying said on 12/26/2009 12:48:35 AM Report this post
Wow you sound so much like me, my DP and I are 14 years difference in age. He is 25 and I am 38. We have been together for 5 and a half years. So he was 19 when we met... He is not at all like your average 25 year old and I am not at all like your average 38 year old.... He too is having trouble in the job dept, although things are looking up. We have been trying to concieve for about 5 months now. At first I didn't think I wanted another baby ( I have a 10 year old son) But I realize I don't want to miss the opportunity to have another child and I love the idea that DP will be the father. He is a great dad to my son.

My mom is supportive but not thrilled, part of it is she worries about my age and having a child. and part of it is that DP isn't working right now. His family was very unsuportive of the entire relationship at first, we have faced many obsitcals in the last 5 years. But people are starting to get that we are together for real and staying together. I know how hard it can be but remember you are together because you love one another and nobody else gets a say in your happiness.... In time they will realize that it was meant to be and if they don't well they will have to deal. It sucks you are having to deal with the added stress right now. Try not to let them get to you. Tell those you trust and those you know won't judge and let the others find out on thier own.

Good luck from one sister to another. Baby dust to you. and merry Christmas

Moriah0226 said on 12/26/2009 2:51:52 PM Report this post
Thank You so much ladies. It really helps alot to know that there are ladies out that totally understand. I truely appreciate your time reading my post. Baby Dust to you all. Moriah

hopeful777 said on 12/27/2009 8:05:50 AM Report this post
Sorry you are having that added stress of the in-laws. I would nip it in the butt now. You don't need it when you are preg or with a new baby. Its you and your husbands lives and they need to respect you and your choices. They should be so lucky that you even include them. I am lucky that I get along with mine, but we are out of state so it makes it easier. We have been ttc for about 3 years now. I am glad I never officially told them we were since we are having difficulties. When they ask about grand children, I jsut say, when we are ready, you will be the first to know. You don't need permision from them... I know support would be great, but if they aren't the supportive types, then you hsve eachother. Only you know your situation best. I wish you the best in your ttc journey and pray your families can come together for you and your dh.

Starr2982 said on 12/28/2009 2:52:58 PM Report this post
Are you going to tell them? I can see where it may be beneficial to not say anything, then when you are pregnant be like "Surprise!!!" But then again its nice to have support. I have realized a lot that, even when things are rosy and peachy, sometimes its just best to sit back and think about the positive things. I hope you get what you are looking for with the in-laws. Me -- I don't even hardly talk to my OWN family because they are so crazy!!! I am from a family of 7 and they ALL live in Florida except me! I was in the military, staitoned in Utah, and got out. I thought "you know, I'll stay here" and now I don't live near my family. they don't understand why and wish I would move back, but you know what??? I don't need their crap in my life. LIfe is waaay too stressful and I got my own stuff to worry about and don't need their antics! (They are really pscyho though.) So maybe its best, like Hopeful said, that you just focus on you and DH, and let everything else take it's course. Good luck hun!

Many hugs coming from me, XOXOXO! Jenn

Meltyham said on 12/28/2009 4:09:07 PM Report this post
MORIAH: I completely understand what you are going through. My DH is 22 and I am 28. His mom had a few issuses with the age difference in the beginning as well. ANd always when she found out we were TTC. But she knows we are the ones responsible for our actions.
Good Luck too you!!!!!!!!!!

HollyJolly83 said on 12/29/2009 5:47:54 PM Report this post
I completely understand how you feel. I am almost 27 and my DH will be 40 this next April. We have been married for amost 11 years. We got married 4 days after my 16th B-day....he was 28, but we both lied until the day before our wedding when he thought I was 19 and I thought he was 22. I had to explain to him why my Mom was signing the papers at the courthouse ROFL. Anywho.....we never told his parents until a few months later when we found out I was pregnant. Then I had to meet his parents... His dad was ok but his Mom...omg....Her name is Bertha.. and man, Big Bertha had it out for me. My DH is black and I'm Italian with green eyes....she thought I looked fast and like a "floosie" in her words. Needless to say I wasn't this adorable southern bred country black girl that she wanted for him. Now....11 years later....we still hate each other, but have never said 2 words about it. We are both alot alike, and I think that is why we butt heads lol.

Moriah0226 said on 12/31/2009 3:40:53 AM Report this post
Jenn: My DH and I decided NOT to tell them. We really don't want or need the added stress and let me tell you this woman can add so stress. Out of our family's only my mother and my sister know that we are TTC and a very few close friends. It is just enough for support and not to the point that every month they are like "are you pregant yet" which is very nice. With that we are going to keep it our little secert. If I had my way his mother wouldn't find out that we got a BFP until the rest of the world does. When we post it on our facebook accounts. LMAO but I respect my DH and he can tell her when it happens.

Holly: My mother n law is very two faced and I have yet to confront her on everything that she has said about me. My sister used to be her best friend and she would talk shit to my sister about me as if my own sister wouldn't tell me. I decided before DH and I got married that I would be the better person. I figure that she is only making herself look like a fool when she is sweet as pie to my face and then talking crap behind my back. She is showing her true colors to the people that see this. DH knows what she has said and done and he had it out with her while we were dating. It didn't slow her down but kept her at bay. I hate drama and confronting her would only cause a bus load.

choosehappiness said on 12/31/2009 8:26:12 AM Report this post
Moriah.....from my experience, MIL's (Mother in laws) are very protective over there "baby boys".....at 19 she is still treating and thinking about him like he is a child (even though he is so mature)...give it time.....treat her with respect and patience (even if she doesn't deserve it) and things will iron themselves out. They usually do when "mom" realizes that her son is in love, you are not going anywhere and you are both happy.....good luck!

hopeful777 said on 1/3/2010 11:15:40 AM Report this post
Well, a man must cleave to his wife.... additionally, I believe it is up to your dh to have a conversation with his mother. Sit down, tell her he loves both of you and that he will not tolerate her treating you that way or passing remarks behind your back. And hopefully you also don't do it. Whatever the case, dh needs to be at your side alll the time. If he could do that in a nice loving way, she should get the idea. Children will always be mamas babies no matter how old they are, but she needs to cut the apron strings, he's a grown man old enough to make decisions. I wish you the best of luck with that sitiuation and hope you get that under control soon. I would hate to hear her doing and saying disrespectful things to her future grandchild... babydust and luck! :)

hopeful777 said on 1/3/2010 11:23:18 AM Report this post
Oh, one more thing, the reason I said that is because my grandmother has never truly liked or accepted my mother. As a kid I knew there was tension but wasn't sure why. My uncle was her favorite and his kids, my cousins the favorite grandkids. Now I know it is because she wanted my father to marry someone else she thought was better for him. And my father is a better person, more responsible and just better than my needy bum of an uncle. (Sorry but its true, however he's the favorite for uknown reason) now my granparents are old, my mother takes care of them. How sick and twisted is this... grandma tries to tell her what to do and how to run her own house instead of being greatful.... they could have threw her in a retirement home... anyway, my father has to set her straight many times. My point is stop it now, or it never stops! Sorry I went on and on.

Mara04 said on 1/3/2010 11:48:38 AM Report this post
I have the MIL to top all others, I could go on and on trust me lol We've learned to laugh because when you get down to it, she is on her own planet and its hilarious lol My husband isn't one to stand up to her about the things she says about me because we've come to realize thast what she wants. She wants to irriatate him, get under his skin. It bothered me at first but I now know it just aint worth it.Its like a playground bully, ignore her and she'll fade away. She's a very unhappy miserable person, and it's happy unless he makes all other smiserable to. We've pretty much cut her out of our life because she just can't learn to keep her opinions to herself. I feel bad fo rmy husband because he works with her. Its worked out not too bad, she gets to see him without us and no one has to make a point of draiing ourselves to her house lol I don't care that she hates me, lots of people do and it doesnt bothe rme at all. She's taken no steps to get to know me so how can you be sure you don't like me? My kids no them as Grandma and Grandpa but thats it. Ultimately, its your life, with him, and if she can't be nice? Too bad. As long as you and him are happy thats all that matters.

hopeful777 said on 1/3/2010 3:49:45 PM Report this post
I got one of those junk fwd fwd emails... had a cool saying in it: "what someone else thinks of you is none of your business". Anyway thought I would share

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