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Trying41stHarrisBaby asked on 5/30/2009 8:03:58 PM Report this post
Hi Girls,
I was wondering if any of you have had issues with family or friends being unsupportive about TTC?

My issue is that my husband is in the military and we live overseas. My mother mentioned even on my wedding day that she would absolutely die if I had her grand babies overseas! Ughhh! And now that I have mentioned TTC to her again... I get the same answer... She just feels that it is a time to share and be with family. She'd rather us wait until we are stateside again. Well, my husband and I found out that after living in Korea for two years we are now moving to Italy for another three years! We are so excited, and love our life overseas! ...But my mom has made me not want to tell her about my TTC progress... what should I do? Is there something I can do to get her to come around?

I feel bad that I actually talk about TTC with my mother in law more than my own mom. My MIL is very supportive. She just says "I'm ready when you guys are ready". She is a little older than my mom and this would be her fist grandbaby... so it is really special for her.

TTC status so far: TTC for almost a year with no BFP's. A Dr. thought I might have endometriosis and will be doing the lap for it once I get settled in Italy. I really hope the change of location will jump start everything and bring us a baby bean! Baby dancing in Italy sounds amazing to me! Fingers crossed! : )

Oh, how long should one TTC before getting a sperm count? I know this is a touchy subject for men. I just want to make sure we are both ok... any suggestions?

mroossinck said on 5/30/2009 9:10:35 PM Report this post
All I can say is that I am sure they will get over it. My parents just wanted grandbabies, but my sister when she came for a visit she saw my prenatal vitamins and was uphauled that I would even think about having a baby when we were not living close by! My situation is hardly the same, we live in the states but we live 17 hours away so it isn't like they get to see our daughter a lot but we try to get there as often as we can and my sister comes 1 time a year and my parents come 1 or 2 times depending on their schedule! They do really miss her, but they love her just the same and when they come and visit they get more quality time in the week that they come visit us than they would probably in 6 months if we were living there because they stay with us so they are with us 24/7. Your parents will have a different relationship with your child but that is ok! The bottom line is you know when you are ready to start a family and you don't know what the future has for you. My sister is totally fine with us here now and she loves her neice so much, sure EVERYONE misses her but they have a different relationship with her than they would closer by grandkids and that is special! Don't let her get you down though! I am sure when you tell her you are pregnant she will be extatic! Good luck! Just remember you can't please everyone and enjoy your time in Italy!

Napolitano said on 5/30/2009 10:47:27 PM Report this post
Hi HarrisBaby, my husband's cousin lived in Japan with her husband who is in the military, and conceived and had her first baby girl there. The whole family was very supportive and excited. She was able to visit in the states while she was pregnant and her mother and sister was able to go overseas when she had the baby. I think this is your life and you have to do what makes you happy. It sounds like your mom wants to be with you every step of the way with your first child, which is understandable, but I hope she can except your circumstances and be happy that you are happy. Good luck with everything and baby dust!!! ~Melissa

jessg282 said on 5/31/2009 8:09:38 AM Report this post
I'm sorry to hear that your mother isn't being very supportive. I was an "Army brat" so both my brother and I were born pretty far from grandparents who lived in southern Texas(my brother in Germany and I was born in Indianapolis). Although it would have been nice to be closer to my grandparents, the times I did get to spend with them were ten times more special because we didn't live in the same city. My outlook is: Once you get married you have your own family--with/without kids, so your decision for ttc only concerns you and your new family. Your mom will eventually get over it. Do what makes you happy and enjoy it! Good luck to you and lots and lots of baby dust! Oh by the way! Where are you moving to in Italy? We lived in Vicenza, Italy when I was younger! It was beautiful!

Trying41stHarrisBaby said on 5/31/2009 5:53:37 PM Report this post
Thanks girls! I agree that I'm not a little girl anymore and I'm ready to start my own family now, I only wish that my mom was an active/supportive part of that too. I know eventually she will come around, but that a big effort needs to come from her. I do feel like I'm confident now to sit down and tell her these things. My husband and I love our life overseas and we wouldn't trade it for anything! We will be stateside again eventually but we've alreadt been TTC for a year with no BFP, if we waited another three, who knows how long it would take to have a little baby bean! I'm not puting this on hold for her and I know that that is ok. I should feel bad about that, only that we don't have a better relationship.

We will be at Vicenza!!! I've heard nothing but great things about it! Everyone here is so excited for us and say that our luck in getting Italy couldn't have happend to better people! My husband and I are so excited. I'm an art history and education major and my husband is a theology and history major! There is no where in the world that would be better suitted for us! I think at this point, nothing could get us down! : )

Thanks again!


globug27 said on 6/1/2009 11:19:06 AM Report this post
Hi Melissa - Great to hear from you!!! I had reposted something lately to see if you were still around, so cool. Like the other gals say - it's your life and you both do what is right for you two. If you have to keep ttc from her, so be it, her loss. Could it be a jealousy issue of some sort?

Italy - sweet! Wow - all I can think of is the food....lol.....but I just got my 75lb weight loss charm...so yay! We're still here in the AZ valley - H.O.T.T (hot overall today & tomorrow!!...lol!) There alot of gals who did get bfps here since last year - not me =(

Hang in there - God is good all the time! Have you guys seen the movie FIREPROOF yet...?

Well, ttyl - so happy you're back on FG! =D
Love ya, globug <><

natascha1986 said on 6/1/2009 2:47:03 PM Report this post
iam an army brat myself and if i were u have ur babies now while ur travling at least taht way u get to enjoy it with your children. itally i would give anything to raise my children when i have them tehre. good luck hun i my self was born in germany and iam now in norther canada. i wouldnt trade moving around all my life for anything..

Trying41stHarrisBaby said on 6/1/2009 10:17:40 PM Report this post
Hey Globug! It's good to see you too! Well unfortunate too I guess, since we are both "still around" in the TTC group. But it's alright for now.

Update: I finally got the go ahead/referal to see a RE!!! Yay! I know I will be moving onto another base soon, but getting that stinkin referal will make all the difference in how we approach TTC! : ) One more step in the right direction! Finally!

fertilitygal said on 6/2/2009 9:55:03 AM Report this post
My situation is hardly the same either, we live in TX and my husband's family is in PA and mine is in IL and MI. To bridge the gap, for Christmas right after the kids were born, we gave both sets of grandparents webcams and instructions for installing skype. Installation is free, and internet webcam calls are free, so the only cost is for the webcam assuming you both already have access to the internet. We skype each other a couple of times a week so that they can see and hear the children and vice versa. They love it, and even got all of the other children webcams so that we can all skype now. It doesn't replace "being there", but it is a great way to feel connected and I strongly recommend it if you both have internet connections.

fertilitygal said on 6/2/2009 10:11:55 AM Report this post
Oh, and I forgot to comment on your sperm count question. It is a touchy subject for men, for sure, but since its been a year, I'm sure he is already thinking about it too whether he's said anything or not.

Assuming you've been actively trying for a year, its time to determine if there is a problem that can be solved easily. You can get Fertell for $100 at http://www.fertell.com/ or at some stores. Its a his and her fertility test, so its less likely to feel to him like you think its his sperm, and he can test his sperm's ability to swim in the privacy of your own home, which will probably be much less stressful on him. And you don't have to wait until you get to Italy that way either.

Trying41stHarrisBaby said on 6/2/2009 6:15:15 PM Report this post
I'm making an appointment with the RE Thursday... the only thing is that it is off base and I will have to have a translator! Ughhh, the joys of being overseas and TTC! We have a OBGYN on base but they are booked at least a month if not more out! Absolutely nuts! SO... I have been referd to go off base. I'm really just going to let the dr.s handle everything I need to do with TTC instead of home kits and self diagnosis... I have to have records of everything they do so I have a better place to start once we are in Italy.

My husband and I and both sides of our family have webcams. I know there are ways to keep intouch... but as I've said before there has to be an effort on both sides... and my mom will have to make that choice : (

Thanks again for all the support and suggestions!

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