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babydustglitter asked on 9/8/2009 3:25:42 PM Report this post
Been months...I know! I went thru 2 IUIs and one canceled cycle. Then we had two off cycles, one which resulted in a pregnancy of twins, but ended in a m/c :( Then since my endo was so bad, I had my 3rd LAP in 18 months. Since so much scar tissue, had to cut me, not do LAP. So last time can do surgery. If do it again, will be hysterectomy. I am only 27, but been TTC with hubby for almost 6 yrs next month. I have aggressive Stage 4 endo and like a 3 month window to conceive after surgery before endo blocks it all up again. For now, since I surgery complications and was in hopsital for wk, I am on Lupron so my body is in temp state of menopause, so endo not growing. This gives me time to gain back some weight I lost post surgery and try 2 more IUIs. Hubby is against IVF for religious reasons, where as I am not as I believe God gave us this medical info to use and it won't happen unless He wishes any way. So next month looks like start another IUI cycle with daily trig shots in abdomen and u/s every other day to check follicle growth. Since also had D & C and HSG during surgery, everything is very clean, so we are praying. If not, we will adopt. These last two IUIs are it for us. We are under the "unknown" category as m/c panel tests show hormone levels normal, etc. We just a pregnancy to STICK. Now, since last been on here, had 2 m/cs so my over all total is 8 pregnancies with 10 babies lost. I am extremely high risk patient. I won't be logging back in to check this as I am trying to avoid anything with TTC. I have a newborn niece that I babysit and love, so not that I am anti-baby or anything. But I am focusing on work and religion. I run a religious site for my church that is extremely active. I have actually enjoyed these few months without all the blood work, u/s, shots, etc!!! Like 9 of my friends are pregnant, but at some point ladies, if we can't have a child, we have to accept that fact and move on with lives. We cannot let IF destroy us. I have already moved onto adoption mentally. I don't expect the IUIs to work. If I just had annouvulation, would be whole diff story. But since pretty much unknown IF, I won't hold my breath. I have accepted that God is perfect and He has a plan for me. He answers all prayers in His time and in His way. So though I may not understand, I have to accept or become over whelmed with anxiety and grief that is IF. I chose to accept and live life without fear. I now live with just hope and faith in God. Perhaps there is a child out there who needs us. Blood does not make a family, love does. So if you are new to TTC remember that even when or if you cannot have a child of your own, you can still be a parent!!! Last few years I was charting and trying everything. Been to 5 diff REs and had so many tests your head would spin. Everyone always says to me, "You've been through so much Sarah!" But some how now it doesn't feel like it as I have laid that grief and anxiety on the Lord's hands. Don't let IF consume you. As someone who has been TTC for almost 6 yrs, let me advise you all: do NOT let it consume you. Live your life and know that no matter what or when things happen, it is not on your terms, but God's. If you are not religious, well then it is on your body's terms. We can wish all we want and pee on a 100 HPTs but that won't make it happen if not right. Educate yourself. Read everything you can and find the best RE you can. If you don't understand stuff, Google is amazing tool. I feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted from me as I look towards adoption. And hubby and myself are looking for a therapist who specializes in IF therapy to help us deal with all our losses. LIFE DOES GO ON. Since I have been on pelvic rest for last few months from surgery (it was massive under taking), no sex. lol. But when we do, it is not to TTC. It is because we love each other and want to. Besides, when doing IUI, you don't need sex! lmao. Keep a sense of humor always and if possible, don't tell everyone in the world you are TTC as they will annoy you with "advice" and comments. Just keep it to yourself or a close knit group. I feel like a vet or a group therapist here :) But I want you all to know that life does go on after IF. Hopefully none of you has to go thru all I have. But if you do, stay strong. Be patient. And have faith. Without faith you have nothing. You will amazed at your own strength and if at any time you time off from TTC, take it. Women can have kids till menopause and with today's modern science, most cases can be solved. I know we all want a baby NOW, but that may not happen. Does the world stop? No. Sometimes it takes years! Keep faith alive! Like I said, I won't be logging back on. But Kar, I luv you and miss you. And to all the other friends I met on here, God bless you!

babydustglitter said on 9/8/2009 6:00:35 PM Report this post
BTW, you can email me at babydustglitter@gmail.com.


kar said on 9/8/2009 7:15:00 PM Report this post
xo's bdg. I will be in touch.

Kylie said on 9/8/2009 8:03:56 PM Report this post
love you bdg!! so sorry for your losses. i will be in touch too.

globug27 said on 9/8/2009 11:24:24 PM Report this post
All I can say is - whoa....all the newbies here, Sarah is real and she def writes the truth! Keep this post handy to read when you need encouragement!!! I'm one of the ones that will either get that bfp or hit menopause. I'll be 48 this month, waiting to concieve #2. We miss you SARAH!, take care - love you BDG! I'll keep in touch - you can count on it.

ceb1 said on 9/9/2009 11:25:19 AM Report this post
Keeping you in my thoughts (((HUGS))) Thank you for sharing your journey. It feels like so long since we've seen you on here. I know good things lay ahead for you!

DreamBig said on 9/9/2009 1:36:03 PM Report this post
Thanks for sharing & encouraging!

Mara04 said on 9/10/2009 8:23:26 PM Report this post
I too am sorry you had to go through all this but I agree, there's a better plan in store for oyu. I'm not very religious, I'm a huge skeptic when it comes to alot of thigns, but I to believe something greater than us guided my mom into adopting my brother and I. As I beleive something guided my birth mom to choose them. We are a perfect fit and though we don't share genetics, to look at us you'd never know, and it doesn't matter. Giving birth does not make a mother, when a baby is born and handed to you, whoever you are, a mother is born too. Maybe you were chosen for a special little baby who may or may not have been concieved yet but who needs your love. And I hope that some positives things happen for you soon. You and your husband are a very strong unit, I admire that in you :)

globug27 said on 9/10/2009 11:11:59 PM Report this post
Has anyone ever seen "The Memory Keepers Daughter"? Watched it last night (DVD Blockbuster online)....oh my - it was totally awesome...a Lifetime Channel movie, but well worht the time to watch!!! =)

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