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cmbohne asked on 7/2/2008 7:52:06 PM Report this post
I am new to the discussion part of this. I have been tracking my fertility for about 1 1/2 years now. I found out about a year ago that I have endometriosis. I never suspected I would have any problems. I, at 25, had a kidney/pancreas transplant after years of dealing with diabetes. After getting the green light, I figured it would all fall into place. I was married and ready. I tried clomid for 4 cycles, charted, used OPK's and nothing still yet. I don't know if it my previous problems and also the endo that is causing me to have problems. My husband had 2 daughters, so we know it is not him. Yet the dr. says he should still have a sperm analysis. Is there anyone out there that can give some encouraging words??? I know there is not alot of people out there like me. I am 27 now and I have been having major "baby fever" for awhile now. I know I am meant to be a mother, I know I will be a good mother, too, considering I'm raising my daughter(step) for the last 6 years as my own. It just hurts to know that I am (or hopefully) ovulating, and yet month after month- nothing. It hurts so bad. I know people say that if you don't think about it, it happens when you least expect it. How can you not think about it, knowing that is the one thing that will make you feel complete???/ I don't think I will ever feel like a complete woman until I can feel pregnancy and what it's like for the rest of the world. It makes me so upset that there are so many people out there that get pregnant without wanting to, or have one night stands (my husband's youngest daughter is a one night stand baby). I am in a stable relationship, love my husband and know this should happen. I know I am rambling, but I feel like there are alot of thoughts that anyone I know does not have this problem. Not even my husband understands what it is like because he already has 2 of his own. Any help or kind, encouraging words??

hopefulTXgal said on 7/2/2008 11:41:53 PM Report this post
Oh, honey. I know what you're going through, as do a lot of other women on here. My DH and I have been together for almost 5 years, and married for 2 1/2. We've been ttc for 2 years now, and have only succeeded in a blighted ovum pregnancy (gestation sac forms, but no fetus) which resulted in a D&C. My DH has a 7 year old daughter, so we figured that it was me. After taking clomid, temping and charting, we found out that I ovulated regularly. Finally we went to a fertility specialist, and he suggested IUI. When they did my husbands sperm analysis, they found that his count was extremely low (2 million instead of the desired 15-20 million). Apparently a lot can change in a few years. He is currently taking medication and supplements to increase his sperm count, and we will try another IUI in September. I'm urging you to take your doctor's advice and have your DH do a sperm analysis just to rule that out, or to take action if that turns out to be the problem. I know what you mean about your husband not understanding because he already has children of his own. I don't think mine really understood what I was going through until he saw how month after month, I was being torn in two and how devastated I was everytime my period started. It's hard for men to understand how much of a failure as a woman it makes you feel like when you can't do the very thing you were designed to do...create life. Please know that there is a support group in the women here that understand all the heartache that you are going through. You are not alone.
Carrie

cmbohne said on 7/3/2008 9:28:16 AM Report this post
Thank you so much for those words. I don't know anyone personally that has had a problem ttc, so it is nice to read and speak with others who know exactly what you are going through. I had a lap and an HSG, my tubes were clear as they could be, but the endo is wrapped around my left ovary and a band of it is under my cervix. My husband has no problem doing a sperm analysis, so that is our next step. He does understand, I shouldn't sound like he is even close to being unthoughtful, I just feel like he will never know how much it hurts. He & I are both getting baby fever extremely bad with his girls being 6&8, they aren't babies anymore. Like I said, thank you so much. Coming from a town where 70% of my graduating class either had kids or were pregnant, I didn't want that, but I didn't expect this either. Now, all of my friends already have 2 or 3 kids, and some of them are teenagers! Thank you for your kind words once again, I will keep everyone here in my thoughts and prayers.

hopefulTXgal said on 7/3/2008 10:09:35 AM Report this post
You definitely dodn't make it sound as though your DH was insenstitive. I am in the same boat...my DH was sympathetic, but since he already has a daughter he will never experience the hole that I feel. It's not their fault, it's just factual. And believe me, we all know how it is to be surrounded by pregnant people. I feel sometimes like everywhere I turn, there is a new pregnant person standing in front of me. It can be hard to deal with.

Let us know if you need anything. The most we can do is listen, but sometimes that's all you need.

Carrie

cmbohne said on 7/3/2008 6:15:53 PM Report this post
OH I know. I hate to admit it, that I have started to quit going to baby showers of some people. There are a few that didn't want to get pregnant, or thought about options when it came to pregnancy. I love these people, and I am happy for them, don't get me wrong, but it hurt too much. My DH had a hard time understanding that, but I explained this is my opinion. Thank you and everyone else on here for that listening. I don't think it's just the listening that helps, it's the understanding and knowing what personally the same thing we are all going through. I hate to get my hopes up every month that I am ovulating and we try, then another failed attempt. Sometimes, I just hate to even think about it. Everyone always says it will happen when you least expect it, but when it consumes you, it's hard not to think of it. My stepdaughters are the reminders, they look so much like their moms and him combined, I want that. To see a part of me. My daughter, she does call me mom since her mom walked out on her, still (not all the time) tells people "shes not my mom". It hurts, of course, but I know that she is not my daughter. I just want to be someones everything, too... to hear "mommy" and it really, really mean that. No other person standing in that way. All I know is that it will happen, be positive, maybe not this month...maybe when I'm 30??? HOPEFULLY!!! Thanks again!

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