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You are Here: Message Boards > Getting Pregnant Chat > omg... My sister wants to GIVE me her baby!

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Starr2982 asked on 2/17/2010 9:59:45 AM Report this post
So my stupid little sister (18 yrs old) had a baby on Dec 28, little girl named Kloe Marie. When she was 3 months pregnant she attempted suicide because she didn't want the baby, nor did she want to be a single mother. In the beginning, she thought having the baby would "trap" her boyfriend; he left 5 days before the baby was born. Now the fact that she is a single 18 yr old mother is starting to set in. To make matters worse, she has two herniated discs in her back, so she can't really move or take care of herself, much less her baby.

So she wants to GIVE her baby away! My mom called and asked if I could take the baby.... WTF! This is hard because I don't want the baby to grow up in an environment where it is not wanted. I suggested adoption, but they don't want to NEVER see the baby again, she just "can't" take care of her anymore, and doens't want her. I am scared -- since she tried to kill herself once -- that she might go crazy again and try to harm herself or the baby.

I can NOT afford to take care of a baby. I am in no financial place to take on the tasking of being a single mother. However, I am 28 and no husband or baby (starting to think it will never happen anyway)... But how could I just jump into being a single mother from nothing at all? Then there goes my chances of dating or enjoying my "single life" while I dont have a kid. THEN, when I DO have a baby, I would be on my 2nd kid!! Its all so confusing.

I wish I could just find a good loving home for this little girl... She deserves it, and doesn't deserve to be in this position; she isn't even two months old yet and look at what she's going through.

UGH! Any advice???

Thanks Ladies!


we2b3 said on 2/17/2010 11:25:02 AM Report this post
I have no idea what to say. This is a very hard situation for you and your family. Has your sister considered Open Adoption? I have a friend who got pregnant right before she started Med-School and gave her little girl up for Open Adoption. She sees her all the time. She really found the right couple to take care of her baby. Her little girl is 4 now and my friend is officially a doctor. Without adoption, she wouldn't have been able to finish school.
There are so many couples out there that have been waiting a very long time for a baby. Especially healthy baby girls. Your sister would have a lot of couples to choose from.

Ugh! This is hard! Good luck to you and your family. I'll be praying for you.

weemace73 said on 2/17/2010 11:38:15 AM Report this post
I would try to keep in mind that a lot of girls are are immature and don't make the best decisions in their teens. Your sister certainly isn't the first to think that a baby would keep a guy. It's a very unfortunate situation nonetheless. Also, you mentioned she had a suicide attempt so she certainly isn't in the best frame of mind so I'd try not to be too hard on her.

It's hard for me to not say raise the baby yourself because I, like everyone else on here wants a baby badly. It's even better than adoption because you guys would share some of the same DNA.

Otherwise, I would agree with we2b3 that perhaps an open adoption is a good idea.

I wish you and your family good luck!!

weemace73 said on 2/17/2010 11:42:39 AM Report this post
You can't afford to take care of a baby? Aren't you actively trying to have one?

cass0180 said on 2/17/2010 12:03:12 PM Report this post
Same thing i was thinking....arent you trying to have a baby since you are writing in this forum??

Starr2982 said on 2/17/2010 12:26:00 PM Report this post
I suggested open adoption to my family... It is hard because they live in Florida, and I live in Utah. I don't see them, so it would be hard for me.

If I had my OWN child, I would have the financial support of another person. I can't expect someone to take on the financial responsibility of someone else's child who they've never met.... And right now I am not actively trying -- situations are not good, so I have quit trying till I'm back on the right track.

Sticky situation....

Cinnamon said on 2/17/2010 3:35:52 PM Report this post
What about your mom and/or dad or the parents of the father? I wonder if your family raised the baby whether you can still get child support from the father? Even if a little bit. I have a family member who had a child young, and several years later met a wonderful guy who she married and had several more children with. The right guy shouldn't be scarred off by a child. For me it would an easy decision - I'm pretty sure my family would share the responsiblity of raising the child, the time and the financial.

beantrying said on 2/18/2010 9:23:17 AM Report this post
What a tough spot to be in, Open adoption is a good idea. But in the event you do decide to take on this responsibility I will tell you from someone who had a baby at 28 and was a single mom, it is hard but not imposible. My son's father didn't want anything to do with us from the moment he found out. Our relationship had ended before I even new I was pregnant. It was a struggle for sure but the rewards were worth it. I did manage to have some social life even with a child. It was different from before but I still got out there. I waited about 4 years before activly looking for or considering a serious relationship, but that was by choice, I wanted to build a strong bond with my son. I am now in a wonderful relationship with a man who loves my son as if he is his father. My son loves him as well, right from the start they really hit it off. The right man will love you and your child even if it isn't his and will not think twice about helping to support you two as he will see you as his family. If anything being a single mother actually helped me weed out the bad guys from the good. I could tell right away from the reaction to me being a single mother wheather or not they were worthy of being in our lives.

I can't tell you what choice to make here, I just want you to know that if you do decide to raise your niece as your own it doesn't have to mean the end of your chances at a meanigful relationship, and although it will be hard it can be done. The father has an obligation to pay some support regardless of who is raising the child, unless you adopt her out right and for that he needs to sign off on perental rights and agree to the adoption. Having your parents or the fathers parents raise her may be an easier choice.

Good luck I'll be thinking of you, what ever choice you make will be in the childs best interest, don't let guilt get in your way of making the choice that best suits both you and the baby. Remember that not taking her doesn't make you a bad person, it just means your being honest about your ability to give her everything she needs.

Desperate2beAmom said on 2/18/2010 11:35:12 AM Report this post
If i was you i would take her and make it work. I want a baby so bad i would love to have someone offer their baby to me that i would get to raise. I know it would be hard but you would make it through. im sure any of us women on her would be happy to have a baby no matter how. If you do decide to not to take her some of the women on here might like to be consider for adoption.

lezmom said on 2/18/2010 5:00:08 PM Report this post
i agree with desperate2beAmom there are so many women out here and on this board that are having trouble ttc maybe you could talk them into an open adoption.. i know we would absolutely love for someone to offer us their child to raise but the odds are slim to none... best wishes in your decision making

Starr2982 said on 2/21/2010 9:59:39 PM Report this post
I have tried to look into adoption for her, as she is now considering open adoption. I would love to take her but I can barely afford to feed myself. That sounds like a crazy idea, but I would know women on here would love a baby. Doesn't that sound weird though, posting a thread asking Jo wants a baby? At this point my sister just wants someone who will love her and give her a life she deserves. My mom us against it but they are super poor so she can't afford it. Plus her and my dad have too many health problems to take her in on her own. My kittle sister is more concerned with getting her social life back... It's sad but true. But at least she is wanting what's best for her. So I guess as weirs as it sounds, if I found women on here that lived in the area and wanted to seriously consider it, she would be thankful.

Thanks ladies.... Jenn

cantwaitanymore said on 2/22/2010 12:47:43 AM Report this post
Just to let you know i posted on your other post. email me at amberyochum@yahoo.com all is lower case thanks Amber

shaylae2 said on 8/18/2010 4:08:00 AM Report this post
How did all this turn out I would really like to know? That is very sad. I was 16 when I had my wonderful son. Shaylae2@gmail.com

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