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You are Here: Message Boards > Pregnancy Chat > omg... My sister wants to GIVE me her baby!

Starr2982 asked on 2/17/2010 10:00:27 AM Report this post
So my stupid little sister (18 yrs old) had a baby on Dec 28, little girl named Kloe Marie. When she was 3 months pregnant she attempted suicide because she didn't want the baby, nor did she want to be a single mother. In the beginning, she thought having the baby would "trap" her boyfriend; he left 5 days before the baby was born. Now the fact that she is a single 18 yr old mother is starting to set in. To make matters worse, she has two herniated discs in her back, so she can't really move or take care of herself, much less her baby.

So she wants to GIVE her baby away! My mom called and asked if I could take the baby.... WTF! This is hard because I don't want the baby to grow up in an environment where it is not wanted. I suggested adoption, but they don't want to NEVER see the baby again, she just "can't" take care of her anymore, and doens't want her. I am scared -- since she tried to kill herself once -- that she might go crazy again and try to harm herself or the baby.

I can NOT afford to take care of a baby. I am in no financial place to take on the tasking of being a single mother. However, I am 28 and no husband or baby (starting to think it will never happen anyway)... But how could I just jump into being a single mother from nothing at all? Then there goes my chances of dating or enjoying my "single life" while I dont have a kid. THEN, when I DO have a baby, I would be on my 2nd kid!! Its all so confusing.

I wish I could just find a good loving home for this little girl... She deserves it, and doesn't deserve to be in this position; she isn't even two months old yet and look at what she's going through.

UGH! Any advice???

Thanks Ladies!


grifmorg said on 2/17/2010 11:00:56 AM Report this post
Sounds to me like your sister needs to learn some responsibility. She had this baby and the pressure should not be placed on you because she no longer wants to or can't take care of this little girl. You are only 28 and thinking that you'll never get married and have children is crazy. I know people 10 years older than you that are just starting their married life. Now a days there are so many options such as open adoption where the family allows you to take part in the childs life. Do not feel pressured by your family to take on your sisters mistakes.

Mara04 said on 2/17/2010 9:24:04 PM Report this post
I'm in a similar yet somehow more screwed up situation. All I can think of is take her. Why risk her life? She's obviously in danger. I live in Canada so the governement would help out, not sure how it works anywhere else. I know its hard, and its not ideal, but her safety should come before anything else. I'm sure your family would help out wouldn't they? Personally speaking, I wouldn't let the mom see her. I know thats hard, being your sister, I"m the same spot though its my brothers baby and the mother is p-s-y-c-h-o. Can't even BEGIN to explain. She almost killed my mother. Whats messed up, is some courts actually back those kinds of mothers because they assume HE is a deadbeat dad and oh lets give the mom a chance to try. Too many times the chance they give the moms comes at the baby's cost. Is she really that dangerous? Your other options are to place a call to Child Protective Services, or Childrens Aid, and they will handle it. Whats good about that is you can do it confidentially, so she doesn't have to know its you.

Its not an easy choice and I don't envy you for having to make it, but I am ALWAYS here to talk if you need it, this cannot be easy for oyu right now. E-mail if you want Irish_Wildcat@Hotmail.com

Jammy said on 2/17/2010 11:06:32 PM Report this post
First thing I would say is, Don't take on this responsibility if you don't want to. Having a child is such a responsibility and doing it alone is going to be so hard. There are so many people out there that are desperately looking for babies to adopt and if there is noone in the family that is in a position to care for the child, there will be a loving family somewhere who would be over the moon to get the chance to start/add to their family by having her.

But if you do decide that you want to take the baby, make sure you do it properly. Make it clear from the beginning that you will only do it if you can adopt her formally. You want all parental rights. I have seen situations where other family members "take care" of the baby but don't adopt and they have no rights. The mum comes back and takes the child away for a while, gets messed up on drugs or whatever the problem is and then dumps the child back again when they can't cope. It gets so messed up for the one looking after the child and the child gets so confused as well. I would never do it if I could not be the "mum".

Give it time, think it through. I hope you can reach a decision that you feel happy with.

VaBelle said on 2/18/2010 8:14:47 PM Report this post
Jenn - I haven't posted on here in many, many months, but I occasionally check in to see how some of the ladies are doing that got pregnant the same time I did. I saw your post and just want to respond. I have a good friend that is unable to have children. Her and her husband adopted a little girl four years ago and are looking to adopt again. They've actually been looking for a couple of years now. They are wonderful people and wonderful providers. I know that there are many other people in the same position and a lot of people who wouldn't have a problem with an open adoption, allowing your family to have picture, updates, and sometimes even a relationship. Definitely something worth looking into if your sister truly does not want to or cannot take care of her baby.

Starr2982 said on 2/21/2010 10:05:39 PM Report this post
Well I think that would be nice... Right now the main concern is finding her a home with parents who will love her and take care of her, and before the baby gets too attached to my family. They live in south Florida... Does anyone who is seriously considering it live in Florida? I could introduce them to my sister (obviously not in person) and she could make that decision. I just hope she finds someone

let me know ladies...thanks, Jenn

cantwaitanymore said on 2/22/2010 12:27:42 AM Report this post
Hi Jenn my name is Amber and my husband and i have been trying to get pregnant for almost 8 years and nothing we would love to have a baby. i am 27 and my husband is 34. we live in south Georgia so the drive would be no problem.You can email me at amberyochum@yahoo.com all lower case. Let me know

lezmom said on 2/22/2010 6:28:02 PM Report this post
email me i may be able to help with a little more info... n.christianson85@hotmail.com

tiffandrock said on 2/27/2010 1:33:55 PM Report this post
Starr I live in Jacksonville FL. I would love to adopt your sister's baby. I have a six year old daughter, and hadn't been able to get pregnant since. I couldn't figure out how to message you. But you can email me at rockandtiff2002@aol.com

Starr2982 said on 2/28/2010 12:36:09 PM Report this post
Thanks everyone for the support and suggestions. I am trying to convince my sister that adoption is the best way to go. I hope that through this unfortunate situation, someone can get their wish and baby kloe can be given a family where they can love and care for her. At the moment, my sister has left the baby with my parents; now the biggest obstacle is the fact that parents are now her caregiver, and they have gotten attached. I know it would kill my mother to see her grand baby go, but I think sometimes the right thing isn't always easy.

Anyway, thanks ladies... Jenn

ADP123 said on 5/4/2010 6:29:42 PM Report this post
What has happened to little Kloe?

Starr2982 said on 5/2/2012 10:12:06 AM Report this post
Poor little Kloe :( I wish she had given her up! She doesn't live with my sister (THANK GOD!!!!). She is with her biological father and his mother is pretty much raising her. My sister is such a mess. Always on drugs, being an asshole to everyone, getting in fights, working at a strip club.. She didn't deserve this baby. She keeps saying she wants to get her daughter back but then she sits around smoking weed and hufing duster all day. she'll never get her back, and thats a good thing! I wish that she had given her up to a family that really wanted her!

Cortez said on 5/2/2012 5:34:40 PM Report this post
I'm really confused by your statement..."I can NOT afford to take care of a baby. I am in no financial place to take on the tasking of being a single mother. However, I am 28 and no husband or baby (starting to think it will never happen anyway)... But how could I just jump into being a single mother from nothing at all?"

Didn't you post that you are on your 2WW on the BBT chart message board?? If you can't afford to take care of a baby, why are you trying to have one?

I don't mean to be rude, I'm just asking because I'm confused. If the other STARR2982 isn't you, then I apologize. Just want to clarify things.

Ethac43 said on 5/2/2012 5:44:53 PM Report this post
The original post was from Feb 2010 :) Starr must be in a different place in life now

Cortez said on 5/3/2012 8:29:44 AM Report this post
Thank you Ethac43! I didn't notice the date it was posted, makes sense to me now :-)

Starr2982 said on 5/3/2012 10:45:07 AM Report this post
Thanks.. yes that's exactly correct. It's been a long time since that post. Plus, having my own baby is different than being asked to take my sister's baby... If I were to have my own, then the father would be involved and help me. If I took my sister's baby, there's no help, and if he wasn't around no child support. Taking sister's baby = single mother, if I had my own baby = not single mother. I would never ask my boyfriend to all of a sudden be financially responsible for someone else's baby. Regardless, I'm at a different place in my life right now.

Lelo said on 5/5/2012 9:01:41 AM Report this post
I was confused for a moment too. Because you are my cycle buddy! :-) But, I read thru the posts and realized it was old when someone asked what ended up happening with the baby. And yes, it is two completely different situations. I hope everything works out for your family and the Baby :-)

Lelo said on 5/5/2012 9:02:41 AM Report this post
Plus you were 28 when you posted this and knew you are now 30 :-)

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